7.3 min readPublished On: March 1, 2016

Your life, your terms

WRITERS: Shemir Wiles and Leigh Neely

Questions to ponder: A funeral or memorial service? Who will get your grandmother’s china? It’s never easy to think of life going on without you. However, no matter how emotionally taxing planning for one’s death can be, documenting health care, estate, and burial plans is essential to provide guidance and reassurance to those who will be carrying out your final wishes.

In life, we plan for various events. We plan weddings, birthdays, careers, retirements, and vacations, but when it comes to end-of-life decisions, many may find it hard to discuss, let alone organize.

Knowing where to begin can be overwhelming, but having your wishes known and funeral arrangements in place will make an already stressful time for your loved ones a bit easier to navigate.

Over the years, Clermont attorney Merideth Nagel says she has seen firsthand the heartache and turmoil that can be caused when plans haven’t been made.

“In our office we say you have to reframe it and think of it as helping to take care of the people you care about the most,” she says.

When making plans for your death, there are two critical details you need to consider: what needs to happen after you pass away and what needs to happen if you become ill and are unable to make medical decisions for yourself.

If you’re ill or incapacitated

Two of the most vital documents you’ll want to have if you fall ill and can’t make your own medical decisions are a living will and a health care surrogate designation. These forms are called advance directives.

A health care surrogate will be in charge of making important and sometimes difficult medical decisions for you if your attending or treating physician determines you are no longer able to make such choices for yourself.

According to Aging with Dignity, a Tallahassee-based nonprofit organization that advocates for quality end-of-life care, a health care surrogate should be someone you know well and trust. It should be someone who cares for you, but can also make the tough decisions if or when it becomes necessary.

A living will states your desires when it comes to the kind of medical treatment you’d like to receive. This information includes everything from life support treatment, such as major surgery, blood transfusions, antibiotics, or CPR, to organ donation.

In addition to a health care surrogate and living will, another document to consider having is a medical power of attorney. According to Nagel, medical power of attorney is interchangeable with a health care surrogate, but can extend beyond medical decisions. He or she can act on your behalf on everything from health care to personal business decisions.

Once you pass away

To determine what happens with your assets after your death, Nagel explains that a will is the best way to lay everything out.

While some may think wills are expensive, most would be surprised to find out a simple will is actually quite affordable.

“The average person needs at least a simple will and while I don’t want to quote a price, you could probably draft a will with an attorney for as little as $95,” says Nagel.

It is possible for people to make their own will with the help of websites like LegalZoom and RocketLawyer; however, online wills are often one-size-fits-all resolutions that come with some major pitfalls. It’s best, Nagel says, to work with a lawyer to make sure all the documents are correct and legal.

In some cases, individuals may want a trust. According to Nagel, the difference between a will and trust has to do with the complexity of someone’s estate and if you’re wanting to avoid probate. Ultimately, the decision to have either a will or trust needs to be discussed with an attorney.

Other important materials to compile and have readily available in case of a death are lists of death benefits, insurance policies, and account (utility, cable, cell phone, etc.) information.

Once you’re confident your financial matters are in order, it doesn’t hurt to create an outline for your funeral or memorial service. For many, the biggest decision will involve choosing a burial or cremation. Keep in mind the average funeral costs roughly $6,500, so it may be wise to consider prepayment.

From there you can decide if you want anything specific executed at your service. Nagel says being the wife of a pastor prompted her to offer forms where people can indicate what personal touches they’d like at their funeral, such as what songs they want played or what scripture they want read. In addition, several local funeral homes offer preplanning services.

Deciding what happens after death or if you’re incapacitated is a very personal matter that shouldn’t be rushed. Taking the time to have your wishes firmly established and your estate in order will make things a lot easier on yourself and the loved ones you’ll leave behind.

“When people come to me after someone who didn’t have any plans has passed it makes things more stressful, not to mention more expensive and complicated. It’s heartbreaking,” Nagel says. “It’s important to make all these decisions now, no matter how old you are. It not only cuts down on disagreements between family members but it also helps relieve any added stress and pressure during an already difficult period.”

Unexpected tragedies

Unfortunately, death can sometimes be unanticipated. Whether it’s accidental or due to an unexpected illness, sudden death is difficult. If there has been no time for preparation, it will feel like a monumental task just to take care of what’s needed, but there is help.

You never have to face an event of this nature alone. Call a trusted family member or friend to help you call everyone. Don’t feel you need to make all the calls personally, and give someone the task of answering the phone.
After notification is made and you’ve connected with a funeral home, you have immediate access to assistance. Funeral directors are trained to be compassionate, caring professionals who provide emotional support and assistance wherever needed.

During the initial call, the funeral director is your guide. He or she will collect the information needed, and arrange for a time when you can come in and discuss the service and is available for questions when needed.

Another option for the body is a donation to science. If you wish to give your body to a specific university, check with that institute for proper procedures. For example, the University of Central Florida has a Willed Body Program. With Science Care, you can join a registry when doing preplanning, and there is no cost and it includes free cremation. Ten states participate in this program, including Florida.

A newer element added to some of the funereal options is a DNA memorial. This gives the family a final opportunity to retain a sample of the deceased’s DNA. This is a sample taken in a noninvasive manner such as a cheek swab or a lock of hair and it can be stored forever. This has become a trend with so many choosing to have their remains cremated. Many funeral homes are familiar with the process and can handle details.

The funeral director can ease the burden of paperwork by filing all certificates, permits, affidavits, and authorizations as required. He or she obtains copies of the death certificate, and keep in mind, many certified copies are needed as most government agencies, banks, and other institutes need proof and will not accept a photocopy.

In addition, after you decide on the service (funeral, graveside, memorial, celebration of life), the funeral director will help those needed to carry out your wishes. The funeral home also provides the register book, prayer cards, funeral folders, and acknowledgements the family requests.

Flowers will be coming from family and friends to express sympathy and love. The funeral director will take care of these. Flowers will be transported to the cemetery and distributed to family members as requested. The funeral director ensures the family receives the register book and all items related to the deceased.

Whatever your course of action following a sudden death, it’s best not to take the task on alone. Allow friends, family, and professionals to help you.