Your mother always kept a schedule. She was dressed (perfectly) by the time you got up, and she had breakfast made. In fact, as a kid, your alarm clock was the sound of pots and pans and the smell of bacon and eggs. She had your lunch made as you went out the door and handed it to you with a smile. When you came home from school it was to a refuge — a pristine house, a fresh baked snack, and a warm and welcoming woman who clearly missed you all day as she solved every problem, checked off every list, and kept the world spinning for God. The rest of the night was help with homework, delicious dinner, play with dad, fun bath time, bedtime stories, prayers to the Lord for your “soul to keep,” kisses goodnight, nightlights, teddy bears, and sweet dreams. All that, as that woman backed out of the room sweetly and went off to solve who knows what other problems. 

Was this your reality? Probably not, but that’s how you remember it (or was that “Father Knows Best” or some other TV show?) Since this is your ideal picture of motherhood, as an adult you walk around in constant shame with feelings of failure, and fantasies of “getting away from it all!” Maybe the only place you are that kind of mom is on Instagram and Facebook, and even your image in those profiles stares back at you accusingly, reminding you that you are nothing like your mom. 

Many of us constantly make mental comparisons of “ideal” mothers in our quest to be Supermom. Whether it’s your mother, those TV moms, or even that amazing superhero — the Proverbs 31 woman — we often feel we are falling short of our own expectations for ourselves and ideals about what a mother is supposed to be. 

Most people who know me think of me as a “get ‘er done” type of gal. But let me describe a real-life situation that I wish I could say only happened once. 

I believe in getting out of bed when the alarm goes off – the first time. It makes everything so much easier the rest of the day. That little bit of discipline sets the tone. But one day, I got up late. By the time I got moving, a million things were happening at once, and while I managed to get the kids ready for school, I had to drive them in my pajamas (we won’t talk about hair and makeup). 

After dropping them off at school, 20 miles from where we live out in the country, I remembered I needed milk because I was determined to make a recipe that had to be in the oven by the time I went to pick them up. Looking at my clothes, I picked Walmart. I figured of all places; I wouldn’t be too conspicuous in my PJs. Thankfully, I only saw one woman I know, and we were both in our cars. I got the milk and got out of there in a hurry. I had a Zoom call scheduled that I barely made it home for, and I had to quickly put on a scrub (I own a health and wellness business) and sit down to hide my PJ bottoms from my client. 

By midday I was frazzled. I had messed up the whole morning just because I turned off the alarm clock and slept one hour longer than usual. Thankfully, everything got done, but it was a while before I let that happen again! 

The fact is, even on days when we don’t sleep in, you and I will never have enough hours in the day to do what we think we ought to do in this precious role of motherhood. 

All we can do is our best. I don’t know how you deal with that, but I do my best to prioritize. If laundry doesn’t get done (although I love doing laundry, so it usually gets done), but I have hugged my children and told them I love them, I have been a good mom. If dinner is leftovers, but we enjoyed a meaningful conversation, I have been a good mom. If I let them have a little too much screen time, but at some point, we got to cuddle while I prayed for them, their lives are better for it… and I’ve been a good mom. 

I still say turn off your alarm clock when it first goes off and get out of bed while you can be alone in the quiet house before anyone else gets up. Get ahead of your day and show it who the “mom boss” is. The whole rest of the day goes better. But on days when it doesn’t happen, give yourself a break, hug your family, and be thankful for what you’ve done that day… and that you have many days to try again.