How a Strong Marriage Nurtures Better Health

A happy, healthy marriage is more than just a joyful relationship—matrimony can also be a significant contributor to physical health. 

While marriage itself doesn’t magically produce health benefits, the quality of the relationship plays a crucial role. 

Licensed Mental Health Counselor at Ocala’s Silver River Counseling Alan Hickey says numerous studies and research show that a happy marriage can positively affect one’s health. On the flip side, he notes that people in an unhappy marriage, especially one full of conflict and toxicity, are much more prone to health risks in general.

Physical Health Benefits of a Happy Marriage

“It’s not like you sign a marriage certificate or say, ‘I do’ in front of God, your friends and family, and then automatically, you’re bestowed these health benefits,” explains Alan, who has a master’s degree in marriage, couple and family therapy. “The idea is that being in a genuinely happy and supportive marriage can bring a lot of these benefits.” 

Research indicates that people in happy marriages experience lower rates of heart disease, fewer strokes and heart attacks and shorter hospital stays. Plus, they are more likely to survive major surgeries, even cancer. Additionally, they are less likely to develop anxiety disorders or suffer from depression. Alan notes that one leading researcher in the field, Dr. John Gottman, with his wife Julie, has linked happy marriages to lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. 

“When cortisol levels are lower, people experience less stress, which positively affects the immune system and overall health,” Alan says.

Furthermore, a healthy marriage often involves proactive health behaviors. 

“Couples in happy marriages are more likely to talk openly about their health concerns and upcoming doctor’s appointments,” Alan explains. “So, say the wife is concerned about chest pain. The caring husband might urge her to seek some medical attention where she otherwise might not (and vice versa)… When people are happily married, they generally want to live a long life with each other, so they’re more likely to accept the influence of their partner.” 

Additionally, Alan says not having to deal with a medical situation alone, especially when it might be a serious or scary one, is a major plus. 

“Knowing they have a partner who’s willing to show up with them; that they’re not dealing with it on their own, will absolutely ward off some of that depression, some of the pressure,” he adds.

Key Elements of a Happy Marriage

Alan emphasizes that maintaining a happy marriage requires ongoing effort and mutual respect. Two of the essential components are continuous curiosity about one’s partner and, you guessed it… communication.

This level of curiosity fosters deep connection and compassion, which are crucial during disagreements.

Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but Alan points out that the mark of a healthy marriage is not the absence of conflict but rather how couples navigate it. 

Alan also discusses the concept of “enduring vulnerabilities”—issues that may recur throughout a relationship. 

“Just because a problem keeps coming up doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed,” he says. “Some issues are solvable, while others are not. The important thing is how couples approach these recurring problems. Communication strategies, gentle conversation and repair techniques are essential for navigating these challenges.

“Communication is key, but it requires one person to be vulnerable, and it requires the other person to be receptive. If that doesn’t happen, then communication just sort of breaks down,” Alan explains. 

“Communication requires both components to be present for it to be effective.”

Alan also highlights the importance of mutual goals in a relationship. 

For Example . . .

Alan says he often shares with his clients a powerful metaphor that Silver River Counseling’s Founder Dr. Brent Mruz shared with him.  

“A lot of couples feel like they’re playing musical chairs, and in that game, there’s a distinct winner and a distinct loser, where the winner gets everything that they want and the loser gets nothing that they want,” Alan says. “And rather than finding just a simple compromise, it’s about trying to find a way for each party to get all of the things that they both want.

“When they get into that mindset, it’s no longer a game of musical chairs, but it’s a three-legged race where they’re tied by the leg and they’re either going to cross that finish line together or they’re going to stumble together. If they stumble, then they’d have to work alongside one another to pick themselves up.”

Alan says that metaphor clearly illustrates the saying, “We’re in this together.”

“Part of crossing that finish line together means that both parties, in the end, are going to have fondness and admiration for each other either way,” he says. “And that alone is going to make it a lot easier to communicate and be receptive to communication.”